When I was an actress, I always had a tough time finding monologues that would suit me, weren’t overused, were interesting, but most of all, that were truly funny!
Creating characters that were usually based on real women who made me laugh or cry, I present strong women whose voices are not usually heard, contemporary women living complex, contemporary lives. I also address subject matters that are not commonly talked about, but exist in multitudes.
These women don’t only exist in their homes with men, but in department stores, beauty parlors, trailer parks, tennis courts, taxicabs, offices and even dungeons!
I wrote Fe-monologues to provide actresses with strong material for auditions and performance. The characters are from all walks of life, nationalities, and a range of different ages.
A few pieces are meant strictly for performance. Some of them would be enhanced with other characters walking in and out of the scenario, reacting to what they are saying. There are a few that are very broad, some are stark, but most are a very realistic combination of humor and drama.
If you are interested in getting a copy of Fe-monologues buy it now for $22.00, includes shipping within the US.
Here are two pieces from Fe-monologues:
I have the biggest crush on my gynecologist, and it’s terrible because I don’t tell him everything that’s wrong with me. I don’t want to gross him out. I go in there trying to look attractive, “Hi Dr. Marcus!” Meanwhile I’ve got a cyst the size of New Jersey.
It’s embarrassing because he’s so cute, but it just doesn’t feel right to ask him out. What would we do on our first date? I mean, it’s tough to back to holding hands with a man who’s just scraped your uterus. I don’t know… Do you think I should ask him out?
(Emanuel is a dominatrix)
You’re disgusting! Why even have a penis if it’s going to be so small? You’re so fat and disgusting! Look at you! You’re just…disgusting!
(Looks at watch) Times up, Jack. See you next week? Yes, I’ll be here. Good to see you too. Hope your cat feels better! (Watches him leave and lights a cigarette.)
Tanya, is my 8:00 here yet? Good, I can punish him for being late. You know, I kind of missed this place. Glad to be back.
I took that job decorating cakes at Pathmark for the coverage. I was sick of men being pathetic to pay my bills. That’s why I quit. No benefits. A girl has to take care of herself in this world.
Henry is fine, thanks. He’s actually the one who got me that job. He’s the stock boy out there. No, the one in Queens. Did I tell you we got engaged? Well check this out… (Shows ring finger)
See? It’s a silver bat with an onyx. Very goth. Thanks! Yup, we finally decided to tie the knot. No pun intended! He’s not into being submissive anyway. Thank God! I mean after a long day of this… when I go home, I want a man to jump my bones for a change.
No, he’s fine with it. After I sprayed the manager at the Pathmark with the whipped cream, we both decided this place was more… “me.” We’re getting married Halloween. Hope you can make it. I’m providing entertainment and he’s making the cake. I know we’re a bit different, but we’ll make it. Hey, we’re two peas in a pod. (sees her next client.)
Oh, my 8:00! (Strokes her hair down to her shoulders)
Harvey, look at you, you’re disgusting!!!!